broken pieces

In a world where there is no such thing as hurt, i would be perfectly happy. But i know and i think the rest of the world knows that hurt is common and almost humane. I hate how you can't have a decent relationship without the fear of being hurt or being objectified, it truly makes everything practically bullshit, there is no such thing as one person being happy without some force stopping them, its utter shit, thats all i can sum it up to, shit, fucking shit! We'll never forget our first love, we'll compare them to something else, what the fuck? what on earth could i possibly be doing this for?! its utter shit, complete shit, it's not fair, what is wrong with us? why do we hold standards up in our relationships? why do people have to do certain things to be with us? i hate how i do the same thing, i wish somehow i could fix it, but im striving for happiness with a broken and piece of crap heart, im too guarded, im too "heart on my sleeve", im too tired of fixing myself when things go all haywire. Fuckkkkkk! i hate it, its annoying, what is the matter with humanity? am i like some broken out of shape person that i should just stop and love something else? i always hear that crap that im too young? yeah, really? oh fuck off, puhlease quit being a force of unhappiness and look at your own relationship for once, plus youthful puppy love is always the best kind, and hey maybe were just starting early so we know what we are getting into. Because there are always those relationships were people just think that they look perfect and then it turns out theres a tape line on the bed and both people are faced opposite ways starring at the walls wishing for what could of been. I DONT WANT THAT! NOBODY FUCKING WANTS THAT, BECAUSE THEN WHAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND WASTING THEIR LIFE WITH THAT ONE PERSON ITS COMPLETE BULLSHIT AND THEY SHOULD STOP! Maybe i am the only one that thinks a relationship should be two people happily together, not intertwining their lives and things, i want my relationship to be me and whoever the fuck to just be happy sharing our lives together. I do not want one of those marriages or relationships were everything has to be an agreement between the two because when you enter a relationship your not forming one complete person, and ive been around too many family members or too many friends parents who share everything, thats just freaking retarded, people need their own lives to do things. let me just say this as i finish up this blog.. What kind of relationship do i want, and why do i want it with this boy i am so madly falling for? i know i am going to get hurt, and i know our relationship may not be perfect if we ever do have one? gaadammit why are the things that are sooo offlimits attract me so much? why can't everything just be the fine, why can't i realize the impossible and stop going for it.