If i were to just stop for one day and look back on my life, i'd probably have to say that i would of never imagined it to be this much of a rollercoaster. From just one thing to another. I wouldnt of thought that i would have such an amazing person in my life, i wouldnt of thought that i would be this mellow in high school, and i most definitely wouldnt of thought that i'd be alive.
because personally any other girl with the problems that i have would of just said fuck it. and like i dont know went to her last beiber concert and hung her self in her pink powder room.
I guess its because unlike most people i try to take stuff in from other points of view.
Such as, i am not the most religious person, but am i really going to the fat guy at the jack in the box off, because he is caring about somebody elses well being besides his own, in his own religous perspective? NO. Because that would be wrong on so many levels....
So i guess that even though wherever i go there are going to be people like this man, who are actually caring about other peoples well being besides there own in some type of religous perspective. And that is actually pretty kind, on so many levels.
And yet, in any religious perspective i'd say that even though what i might do sometimes is not the best choice, i usually just like go with my own flow of life, wether it be helping out my gram with dusting or vacumning, or hosting a benefit for an organization that is very close to my heart for my birthday.
Sometimes i wonder if things would sometimes be different for me if i wasnt so thick headed, yet im only resistant because i have my own beliefs because of whats the true form of a word and not just throwing it around like its nothing and means next to nothing.
These things that i do in my average everyday life are somethings that i dont want to turn into a cycle, i dont want to be the average teenager that goes off to school comes home and then does nothing but veg on her bed, or just come home and raid the refridgerator as if i wasnt fed at school, i dont mind B- or an A+ those things shall not and will never measure who i am as a person. I think its what the people want us to think measures us as people yet we dont understand that a grade letter is not who we are or what makes us.
What makes us is our beliefs, our characteristics, the things we do, the things that we hold close. If i were to let every school year define who i am then i might as well be a stuck up bitch that thinks she better than everyone and walks around as if people need her to be there. Instead i dont flaunt my grades or tell everyone what i got, instead if they ask, i act coy as if its normal for someone to be judging me, based on what they are teaching.
What if the lesson is a little too advanced for me to understand?
What if the teacher can't answer the question in enough detail for me to understand if my thinking is wrong or right?
This is usually why people base themselves on grades and not who they are as people. Because they listen to what everyone else is saying and not to what their heart is telling them. I have a failing grade in spainish, but i still know the langueage, and a B in everything else, including PE.
I think what im basically saying is that, dont let yourself make you a cycle. Dont just sit on the floor when the party is over, no go out and have fun with other people who werent there, kind of keep your life high going.
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